tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82945003958763002192024-02-07T01:48:38.897-08:00Life, actually...Here's a little look into my corner of the world.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-59984339671175176012016-12-11T22:04:00.000-08:002016-12-11T22:19:39.427-08:00TribeToday we went to Ryder's Christmas party. It's put on by an organization called Between Friends, which provides opportunities for people with disabilities to develop their social skills, participate in recreational activities, and connect with others. Because it's Ryder's party, I let him run the show. He gets to do whatever he wants to do. Tyson wasn't able to attend this year, so we brought Ryder's respite worker and former aide, Rakesh, with us. The excitement began to brew this morning, when I told Ryder that Rakesh was coming over after lunch, and that we were going to his Christmas party together. He was happy all morning. As we drove down the snowy lane way to the party, I could see Ryder processing where we were going. He has an amazing memory for things that he has experienced before. When we got to the hall, he shot right off to check things out, and Rakesh followed. I was glad that I had asked him to join us, so that Ryder could do his thing, while I hung out with Hayley. Right now it's challenging for me to go out and do things with them on my own. She tried hard to keep up with her brother, but, let's face it, he's fast, and he's got much longer legs. She and I checked things out, as Ryder ran laps around the room. He was so excited. I was thrilled when Ryder joined us at our table to have something to eat. Eating is a challenge for Ryder, let alone eating in a room filled with a couple of hundred people. But there he was, just having a bite with us. He was calm. He was happy.<br />
This party means so much to me because it's one of the only bigger events we have gone to where I feel like we just belong; where Ryder belongs. Nobody stares when Ryder flaps his hands, or makes sounds. Nobody bats an eye when he takes their hand, even if they've never seen him before in their life. Nobody finds it remotely odd that he is running in circles around the room. Nobody is bothered if he gets upset. It's just easy. We don't have to explain anything. Nobody judges. Nobody compares. We're just a group of families there to celebrate the holidays, to visit, and to have fun. Today, Ryder walked right up to a stranger's table and sat down. So we just chatted with them for a few minutes, and wished them a merry Christmas before moving along. It wasn't weird, or awkward, and I didn't have to apologize for a social faux pas. They even thanked Ryder for stopping by.<br />
We are so lucky to be surrounded by friends and family who always try to understand us; support us; and accept us just the way we are. And we love spending time with them! But there's something different about this kind of event, something special that I simply find hard to describe. I guess it's that we're always working so hard to be a part of things. For some, it's easy. For us, it can be really stressful. We want to be social, and we want Ryder to be social, but it's really challenging a lot of the time. Things that overwhelm him, overwhelm us too. We want to be included, but sometimes a certain function or activity is just too hard for us, or we might be having a bad day.<br />
When we walked into the party today, I guess I just knew that whatever happened would be okay. And I celebrated, because there we were, doing a regular activity, like regular families do. I once read a blog wherein the author, a special needs parent, talked about her "tribe'. She spoke of being able to spot her tribe members almost instantaneously. I think she's right. When you're in a tribe, you just know who else is in it, and with the slightest exchange of a smile, you know you're among friends. I think about that reference a lot. Today was a day for Ryder, and for our family, to be with our tribe. And it felt really, really good.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-49599561559340551612016-07-29T07:49:00.000-07:002016-07-29T19:20:45.440-07:00PlayTonight after the kids' bath, I was hanging their towels, when I heard Hayley crying out a little bit. I went into Ryder's room to see what was going on. He was up on his bed, waiting to play our nightly game of 5 Little Monkeys, and was trying to pull his sister up on to the bed. He wanted her to play! He wanted to help her. My heart almost exploded. Engaging in play with other children is challenging for Ryder, which is what makes this so special. He lives in a world that is so chaotic with sights and sounds, that he is often easily upset, even when he is doing something he enjoys. I can often see that he wants to engage in a social game, but may not know how; or he gets overwhelmed. Our 5 Little Monkeys game allows us to connect and laugh together, as a family. The routine of playing after bath time makes it familiar to Ryder; familiarity being something he really likes.<br />
Trying to teach play skills is something that has always baffled me a little bit. Typically, a child gets a new toy, you show them how it works, and they play with it. It's not so easy for Ryder. While he loves to explore, and spends hours entertaining himself with his toys and treasures around the house, he often struggles to understand how to play with toys. Sometimes we can see that Ryder wants to play with a toy, but has difficulty figuring out just how to do that. He might understand that a toy does something really fun, but has a hard time manipulating it. It is for this reason that we do what we call "table time", guided play therapy at the table. Using toys as they are intended to be played with allows us to work on all kinds of fine motor and problem solving skills. When we are outside, I try to give Ryder lots of free time to play as he wants to, but I also encourage him to try participating in meaningful ways. It's another part of therapy that we just try to incorporate into day to day life.<br />
You can imagine how different it has been watching Hayley play. Sometimes I'm just amazed by how easily she is able to figure something out. It's mind boggling when we have been working on something with Ryder for years, and we show it to Hayley once and she can do it. We're so proud of her. Watching her play sometimes makes me realize just how complex Ryder's condition is, and how many more obstacles he has to overcome than a typical child. He works so hard. We're so proud of him.<br />
Watching the kids continue to get to know each other and bond as siblings continues to amaze me. It's fun seeing them learning together, teaching each other things, and helping each other out. It warms my heart to see the way Ryder smiles at his sister, and the way Hayley's eyes light up when Ryder comes into the room. They are so lucky to have each other. And we are so lucky to have both of them.<br />
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Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-24799092138047259722016-02-16T10:27:00.002-08:002016-02-16T17:59:57.937-08:00TwoI'm just over a year into this "Mom to two kids thing", and I'm still trying to navigate the waters. And what a year it has been!<br />
Hayley surprised us by arriving just over three weeks early. As mentally prepared as anyone can be for childbirth, I was teary eyed when I looked at Tyson after my water broke, repeating "But, I'm not ready". Tyson clearly could have used a Prenatal refresher course, as he asked me if my water breaking meant we had about a week before the baby's arrival. Indeed, we did not. In an effort to speed up my labour, Ryder and I took one last walk in the snow together, just the two of us. Turns out it wasn't necessary, as Hayley wasn't wasting any time entering the world, but it did serve as the making of a memory I'll never forget: my last little adventure with Ryder before his sibling arrived. By the time we had organized childcare for Ryder, and put in the baby car seat, my contractions were two minutes apart when we headed out the door. At a local birth centre, and under the care of my phenomenal midwife, we were overcome with joy just a few hours later when we were told we had a beautiful baby girl! Hayley's natural delivery, while by far the most difficult thing I have ever done, was the happy and stress free experience I had been praying for, after a stressful and difficult delivery when I gave birth to Ryder. It was amazing to bring our new baby girl home just hours after she arrived.<br />
The first five days after Hayley's birth, I lay low at home, as my midwife had instructed me to. I spent those days in awe of our little girl, establishing breastfeeding, and resting and recovering. It was undoubtedly a good thing to do because, as parents know after a bit of experience, once a baby arrives, there's little time for relaxation or sleep.<br />
Watching Hayley grow throughout her first year has been wondrous. It was an adventure having a new baby in the house after seven years, but what we had forgotten about those early months quickly came back to us. Many of the experiences were new to us though; and we have experienced them with both delight and some sorrow, as watching Hayley grow has made us realize just how difficult those first years were for Ryder, particularly because of the health issues he battled.<br />
Ryder adjusted surprisingly well to having a sibling, though it has not been without its challenges. After about a week with the new baby at home, I think he started to realize she was ours and wasn't leaving! Since, he has formed a special relationship with his baby sister, showing love through smiles, touching her nose, and, sometimes, letting her play with him in his room. Hayley loves her big brother dearly. It's so much fun watching them together; getting to know each other.<br />
Hayley has filled our house with joy, excitement, and lots of noise. She loves to chatter on, which drives her brother crazy at times, and is a busy and curious explorer. Little, but loud, Hayley delights in mealtime, going for walks, and playing with other children. We are watching closely now for her to take off and start walking on her own.<br />
Ryder continues to make great progress at school, yet he continues to struggle in many ways as well. At times he seems very overwhelmed by the sensory world around him, and finds it difficult to regulate. He vents his frustration through screaming, and this can be exhausting and frustrating for all of us. It's hard not to feel helpless sometimes. We are exhausting all efforts to help increase his communication. Ryder has begun to lead people to show them what he wants or needs, which is a great step. He continues to enjoy his therapeutic horseback riding, and loves going to the pool to swim. Ryder's favourite thing, however, seems to be running free, so our daily walks are often the highlight of our day. We continue to appreciate the simple things in life, and celebrate even the little victories, which are often actually quite big for us.<br />
To say having two children has been an adjustment would probably be an understatement. It has changed every aspect of our lives, all for the better, but it certainly hasn't all been easy. It's hard to admit that you struggle sometimes, but I know I do. It's hard trying to be everything, to everyone. Over the past year, I've tried to slow down the pace at which I travel through life, to simplify, and to say no when I need to. Not easy, but sometimes necessary. I've tried not to forget about myself, though I admit, like most Moms, my wants and needs tend to come in last place a lot of the time. I've come to treasure things I sometimes take for granted, like having a hot shower with no one pulling at the shower curtain, a nap, or a night out with Tyson or my girlfriends. And I've come to rely on my old friend coffee to get me through the long day after a sleepless night. But no matter how stressful, overwhelming, or exhausting it can be; at the end of the day, the joy of being a parent really does outweigh everything else. I'm so lucky to have these two little people call me Mom.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-53758016387426577592015-09-17T09:58:00.000-07:002015-09-17T10:24:45.849-07:00All aboard the independence busI just put Ryder on the bus to go to school. Each morning, after he climbs aboard, I wait for him to be buckled into his seat, and wave goodbye. And each morning I feel a sense of pride, loss, and freedom, all rolled into one. Riding the bus is a huge milestone for us. We spent the last several years shuttling Ryder to and from his programming, trekking daily across the city and back, to get him to where he needed to be. Of course I did this, in part, out of necessity, but I enjoyed the miles we put in together. I also liked knowing what was going on. When you have a child who does not speak, you rely heavily on visible reactions and facial expressions to tell you how they are doing, and whether or not they are having a good experience. I counted on Ryder's body language to tell me if something was amiss. The decision to try the bus wasn't just a big step towards independence for Ryder, it was another step for me in loosening the reins of control I had over Ryder's care for many years. We are confident that Ryder is in a program that is meeting his needs in a positive and caring environment, so we knew it was time for him to join his classmates on the bus. As a parent, taking a step back is not an easy thing to do, but I recognize how vitally important it is for every child, including Ryder! We were also unsure whether Ryder would enjoy riding on the bus, but seeing the way he beams with pride as he marches out to his bus in the morning has ruled out that concern.<br />
Ryder also attended camp for the first time, with his aide, this summer. His two weeks at summer camp helped him to get comfortable trying new things with a new group of friends, and was another great opportunity for him to expand on his independence. We were so pleased with the outcome, and thrilled that he enjoyed the experience. For the average parent, this is probably not that big of a deal, but for us, seeing our son engage and participate in summer camp is another thing we did not know if he would ever be able or want to do.<br />
While he greatly enjoyed a summer full of fun, Ryder thrives on routine, and has settled nicely back into his school schedule. He even seems to appreciate his baby sister more, now that they are no longer vying for time and attention, day in and day out. How typical!<br />
As for me, while I eagerly await the arrival of the bus at the end of each day, I am enjoying having time to spend with the baby, and a little more time for self care and life's daily demands. And I have to admit, the cup of coffee I get to enjoy at home, in my pyjamas, after Ryder heads off on the bus is pretty darn satisfying.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-78841618670160754362015-01-02T07:50:00.002-08:002015-01-02T08:04:42.393-08:00I woke up yesterday morning feeling a little blue. The holidays were over, Tyson headed back to work, and all of the excitement had suddenly died. The aftermath of Christmas can be like that, a little anticlimactic, I suppose. Nonetheless, it was a great holiday indeed, with much to be thankful for. Tyson and I sat for a while last night reflecting on our year. We both feel very happy and proud of the many accomplishments and gains Ryder had throughout the year. We had to make a lot of big decisions in 2014, some heart wrenching, but we found our way. We laughed a lot, cried a little, and enjoyed many happy times together, with family and friends.<br />
Ryder wrapped up 2014 on a high note. Most days, he is excited to go to school, and he has more good days than bad. His teachers report that his attention is quite good during work time, and he participates well during the day. I think it's safe to say that gym is his favourite "subject", and he loves checking things out in the morning and picking out a job for the day when he arrives. I attended carolling at his school's assembly on the last day of school before Christmas break, and was incredibly proud to see him participating in an assembly of about 400 children. It's hard to believe that he was once too overwhelmed to sit in a class of just 4 or 5. I was excited for him, that he could be a part of something like that, and it was very special to me to see him included and participating in such a positive way. It is those moments make all our struggles worthwhile! I continue to have some concerns about the direction we are moving in at school, and whether or not Ryder's current program can meet his needs, but I have to acknowledge that there have been many positive things about the program so far. Over the years I have come to understand that as Ryder changes, his needs change, and we will be constantly tweaking his therapy and programming. Nothing is simple, but everything we do, and have done, is critical in helping him to succeed and thrive. It's a never ending challenge, and thankfully, we are up to the task. Most days, anyway! Ryder continues to make gains in all areas, not just at school. He runs faster than I ever could have imagined he would. He learned to jump off of the floor this year! He is very social and interested in the people around him, and he wants to play with others. His tolerance for others and for different environments is increasing. He is very interested in his PECS communication cards, and has started to sign hand over hand to request "more". What a difference a year makes!<br />
And now as we are thrust into 2015, it's full steam ahead as we prepare for our newest family member, who is set to arrive in about 5 weeks! I'd be lying if I said I don't have any worries or doubts about our growing family. I am a little nervous, as I worry about some fairly typical things: How will Ryder cope with a sibling? Can I take care of TWO children? Will we ever sleep again?! Sometimes when Ryder is having a really bad stretch of sleeping, or is struggling with behaviour or sensory regulation, we kind of look at each other and share the silent thought "what have we done"? But the thought is fleeting, and we know we have thought long and hard about our decision to expand our family. We are ready and beyond excited!<br />
As I look to the year ahead, I prefer to set goals, rather than make resolutions, though I do resolve to continue to grow and improve as a mother, wife, friend, and human being in general. I hope to take more time to just enjoy the moment, and worry less about the long list of things I have to get done; to follow my heart, and not let fear get in my way; and to continue to find balance in my many roles in life.<br />
I wish for you a happy and healthy new year, one that is filled with endless possibilities and opportunities. They are there for the taking; it is up to us to grab hold of them and go!Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-32238147655788618822014-09-09T09:50:00.000-07:002014-09-09T10:34:36.304-07:00Letting growWell, we survived the first week of grade one! I say we because it really did feel like a family affair. After weeks of worrying, I started to come around the week before the big day. We made several trips to the school's playground, so that Ryder would be familiar with the grounds, and on the Friday before he started, we went in to see his teacher and classroom. He was not excited to go inside! After spending some time visiting with Ryder's teacher and one of the aides who would be working in his classroom, I quickly remembered why we had chosen this school and the program it offers. I started to relax. Ryder would have been happy to stay out on the playground all day!<br />
We enjoyed the long weekend, and were ready to roll on Tuesday morning. Tyson booked off the first day of school so he could be there. Ryder was visibly stressed and anxious while we were getting ready to go. We got the same reaction when we arrived; Ryder was upset and didn't want to go inside. After hovering over him for a few minutes, we reluctantly left, feeling those same feelings we had all those years ago when Ryder started early intervention programming; odd, nervous, and a little lost. I shed a few tears. I was nervous and worried, but more than anything I was proud of Ryder and excited for him as he started off on this new journey.<br />
As the week went on, Ryder became more content and comfortable in his new surroundings. While he refused to eat any solid food, by Friday he was drinking all of his smoothies and milk that I sent with him. We knew that feeding would be a struggle, and I had warned Tyson in advance that he might not eat for the first few weeks, and that we couldn't let that upset us. Sure enough, his hunger strike continues, but let me tell you, that kid eats every bite of his dinner when he gets home! Thankfully, we are no longer in a place where Ryder's growth is a serious issue, and we can just ride out this phase without too much concern.<br />
Friday was a tough day. It was the end of the week, and Ryder and I were both tired. He was extremely upset when I dropped him off, and after I left, I spent the next ten minutes crying my heart out in the car, wishing it wasn't so hard for him. I think every parent whose child struggles with this transition feels that way. You just wish you could make it easier for them, but you have to let them go and try. And you have to let them grow.<br />
Yesterday, Ryder came home with one of his sleeves on, which he wears for protection when he is biting himself. It was upsetting to see that he had bitten his arm, but like the feeding, not totally unexpected, as we knew we might see some challenging behaviours as he settles in to his new school. I was pleased to see that they had dealt with the behaviour and made sure he was safe.<br />
Ryder was happy this morning when we dropped him off, and went right into his classroom, looking for things to do. The feedback from his teacher and staff has been positive, and they have said that he is doing very well during this transition, all things considered. I'm very glad we continued to work with an aide regularly throughout the summer, as I feel the consistency in routine and expectations was critical in preparing Ryder for the new environment of grade one.<br />
It's awfully quiet around our house when Ryder is gone for the day, and while I miss having my buddy here with me, I'm starting to enjoy my new found freedom, and the opportunity to get things done while he's in school. I know I wasn't alone on this roller coaster of emotions I was riding this past week, and I hope that all of you parents who experienced similar things, are starting to settle into this new routine, just as our kids are. It's bittersweet, watching your kids grow up. They are going to stumble, and struggle at times, but they are also going to achieve great things, and reach new milestones. And while it's hard to let them go off into a big, new world without us, it's nice to know that it is we, who will always be there at the end of the day.<br />
<br />Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-76537428732057438242014-07-18T18:55:00.000-07:002014-07-18T18:55:09.182-07:00Well, here we are, halfway through the summer months! We've been enjoying the sunshine and hot days, I must say. We have made several trips to the pool, and tried out new playgrounds and walking paths. Ryder loves the outdoors. Our backyard has been the scene of many fun afternoons as well, with Ryder playing happily, and helping his Dad work on our patio construction. It is exciting to see him so engaged and content. He watches Tyson closely as he works and gets right in there to help him. It's very cute. And very typical, which we love to see.<div>
We have also been working with a CDA (aide) every morning, Monday through Friday, since the last week in June, along with our therapy team. It's busy and a bit of a time commitment, especially in the dog days of summer, but we feel Ryder will benefit greatly from the consistency and the daily therapy itself, of course. Next week, he and his aide will attend music camp, a week long program offered by the company that provides his music therapy. I am excited that he has an opportunity to attend camp, like other kids do! And even better, I think he is ready for it this year and will enjoy it.</div>
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Our summer hasn't been entirely a bundle of laughs. We've been dealing with some ongoing behavioural issues, which have been trying and tiring. Ryder was struggling again with socializing; being around other kids, and particularly having kids or company in our home. His reaction to this was screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs. He has also been displaying this behaviour when I talk to someone else (Tyson, therapists, friends, respite, neighbour on the street), as well as when I make or receive a phone call. We've gone through phases similar to this before, but this one was long lasting and began to really wear on me. After over a month of implementing some strategies, we seem to be making a breakthrough, though it is still a challenge. Now more than ever, we are feeling the importance of helping Ryder to communicate. We are continuing to make progress with PECS (Picture Exchange Communication), but it is a slow and complex process for Ryder. He is showing great interest in it though, so we are very hopeful that it will click one of these days and will be a system that works for him. In the meantime, we are encouraging positive attempts at communication and ignoring negative ones, like yelling. It's hard, because we know Ryder is frustrated, but we have to help him understand that it is not acceptable to yell to get your point across. Additionally, Ryder seems to have entered into full blown toddler mode, wanting attention all the time, getting into every drawer, cupboard, nook and cranny in the house, and protesting when he doesn't get something he wants. This is great news for Ryder, but challenging nonetheless! I have to wonder, how long will we be in this stage? Ryder progresses through developmental stages much slower than the average child. I'll be busy if I have a kid in toddler mode for the next few years!</div>
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Ryder graduated from Pacekids, and Kindergarten, in June. It was an exciting and emotional affair! It is truly amazing to look back at the past four years and see how far Ryder has come. I can't express how grateful I am that we started Ryder in Early Intervention programming, at the young age of two years old. I felt a world of emotions when I looked back at the picture of his first week of "school", sitting on our front porch, a tiny little boy with a feeding tube sticking out of his nose. I remember feeling lost when I dropped him off in the care of his teacher, thinking "he's practically still a baby!", but hoping we were doing the right thing for Ryder. Indeed, we were. His programming and therapy have made all the difference in his development, and his life. I am nervous and happy as we look forward to grade one, and the next phase of his journey!</div>
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In the meantime, there are lots of sunny days of summer to enjoy, grow, and make more memories. We hope you enjoy them too, friends!</div>
Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-48387007771278757602014-05-16T08:05:00.001-07:002014-05-16T11:15:54.795-07:00The search for a schoolIt has been a while since I took the time to sit down and write. We have had a typically busy few months, and aside from the usual grind of school, therapy and life itself, I have been busy trying to find a new school for Ryder. He will be graduating from Kindergarten in June, and going into grade one in the fall. As Ryder is far from your typical kid, it is incredibly important that we find the right school for him.<br />
To complicate things a little further, but give us a leg up at the same time, Tyson has been commuting to Toronto for work since February, meaning we could continue to live in Calgary and he would commute, or we could relocate to the Greater Toronto Area. The good news about this was that we had more options. The bad news, more decisions to make.<br />
My search began last November. Here in Calgary, the public school board comes in to do a placement assessment for students in March for the upcoming school year, but I wanted to get a jump start on things. I also had serious doubts about the public school system being able to provide the things Ryder needs, so I began to explore specialty programs and private school options. I saw four private schools in Calgary, two of which I felt were appropriate for Ryder. I then travelled to Ontario where, over the course of two days and many miles, I saw seven schools. Of these schools, one was amazing, though not necessarily the right fit for Ryder, two were pretty good, and four were less than mediocre.<br />
My search was complicated by several things: 1) funding, which varies greatly from province to province, 2) the variance in the structure of programming at various schools, and 3) Ryder himself. Ryder's primary diagnosis is Global Developmental Delay. He has also been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. This means he has a complex set of needs that have to be addressed and accommodated. He is also unique in terms of being an Autistic person, as he socializes quite well, loves hugs and snuggles, has excellent eye contact, and shows interest in his peers. I wanted to be sure that his socialization skills would continue to be fostered.<br />
By the beginning of March, we had concluded that we would like to stay in Calgary and have Ryder attend private school here. We had applied to two schools. Our front runner was a school specifically for children with Autism, and things looked good; Ryder should get a spot for September, 2014. Then the bomb dropped. Ryder did not get a place in either school, as there were no spaces available. I was devastated. I cried for two days. What were we going to do? It was the first time in a long time I felt totally helpless. And alone.<br />
After my two days of mourning, I knew I had to buck up and get back to business. I booked a tour for another school in Ontario that I hadn't had time to see during my visit in November, booked a follow-up visit at one of the schools I thought might be an option, and registered for a funding information session that was being held in Ontario as well. I also spoke with Ryder's current school to ensure that the Calgary Board of Education (CBE) would indeed come to do a placement assessment, just in case.<br />
So back to Ontario we went, on another working vacation. Tyson was able to join me this time. We met with the principal of a school just outside of Toronto, and when we walked out the door, Tyson said the look on my face said it all. We had found the right school! It was beautiful, the right structure, excellent programming. The only downfall was its tuition fees: $38,500.00 per year for a full assistance program, which Ryder would need. Talk about bittersweet. We would possibly be approved for funding down the road, but it wasn't guaranteed, and the current wait list for funding was between two and four years long. The commitment would be huge, but we were willing to do whatever it took to ensure Ryder was in the right place.<br />
By the end of March, we had concluded that we would make it work, suck up the costs and enroll Ryder in the pricey school program, and move to Ontario. We contacted our Realtors, and began to make preparations for our relocation.<br />
Then the next bomb dropped. The CBE had been to see Ryder and do their placement assessment. Ryder qualified for a program called CSSI, which stands for Communication Sensory Social Interaction. This program is housed in a few public schools throughout the city, and consists of classrooms with up to six children, and a student to staff ratio of 2:1. This was the same as the specialized private school we had chosen in Ontario. I had no idea such a program existed in our public school system. Sent spinning once again by the surprise of it, we knew we had to see it, despite having already decided we would move. I could hardly wrap my brain around the idea that a fully funded program could even come close to the expensive, private program we had chosen in Ontario, but from everything we had seen, it did. In addition to focusing on communication, social interaction, sensory regulation, and general learning, it would provide access to Speech Language Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Behaviour Therapy, and Physiotherapy, that the school in Ontario would not. It would also provide opportunities for Ryder to socialize and work side by side typically developing kids, through the school's reading program. And as Ryder progressed, he could join the typical classroom for art or gym class, so as to promote inclusion. So there we were, back to the drawing board- again.<br />
I'm ready to get off this roller coaster! I have learned so much about education options for children with special needs in both Ontario and Alberta, I can't even begin to explain it in one blog entry. I have had emotional highs and lows I never would have imagined during this process. I have had several changes of heart, first not wanting to leave Alberta, then being excited for a new adventure, and so on. I worried greatly about Ryder getting the level of care and service that he needs, and felt a lot of pressure to make the right choice. Ultimately, we did make the best choice for Ryder, which was our philosophy all along. We will do whatever it takes to ensure that Ryder gets the things he needs.<br />
So, seven months and thirteen schools later, we have made a decision. Ryder will start school in the fall at Brentwood Elementary School here in Calgary, where he will attend the CSSI program! We are excited and nervous for this next leg of Ryder's journey, but are very pleased with our decision. The process was far from easy, but I am so glad I explored every possible option, because I know that we have made the best choice for Ryder, for right now.<br />
With less than two months of Kindergarten left, Ryder continues to make progress, and is growing and changing constantly. Looking back on the past four years of Early Intervention Programming, I am blown away by how far we have come. I can't wait to see what the future holds for our amazing little boy!Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-73072890449893300572014-02-19T10:05:00.002-08:002014-02-19T10:05:37.839-08:00RephrasedWhen you're a parent, you get all kinds of unsolicited advice. When you're a parent to a child with special needs, you also get stared at often, ignored sometimes, and are repeatedly on the receiving end of unwelcome remarks. People look at Ryder and ask, "what's wrong with him?" I think, "nothing, what's wrong with you?"I would gladly respond to that question, if it were it rephrased. Others exclaim, 'he looks normal!" I stare back in awe. After we attended a friend's party, one gentleman told me how good Ryder was and that "he didn't hurt anybody." This one baffled me, as I tried to remember when Ryder had ever hurt a fly. And then there is the old, "I don't know how you do it! I'm so lucky my kids are healthy." Really? Should have stuck with the compliment and left out the slap to the face afterwards. I'm lucky too! For one thing, I have a beautiful little boy. I wonder, do these people really think about the comments they are making? Do they realize that they are rude? Thoughtless? Unkind?<br />
I have learned to pick my battles. I have to choose not to be offended by these kinds of comments. Sometimes I use these moments to help other people understand Ryder's differences, and to promote awareness and acceptance; other times, I don't have the time, energy, or desire to go there. I've got thick skin. I could honestly care less what people say, but my son is just a little boy and he has feelings too. He can hear you. And that bothers me.<br />
Ryder is healthy, and he is "normal", if there is such a thing. He has faced many health challenges, but he has fought through them. Even if he wasn't healthy, he'd still be the same gift he is! His life hasn't followed the pattern set by the average child, and it probably never will. That is what makes Ryder remarkably special.<br />
I love talking about my child, as most moms do. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to feel that they can't ask me about him! They sure can. I will try to answer any question someone might have, no matter how odd it may seem. Some parents may not be as comfortable answering questions or sharing, and that's okay too. Treat us and our children with respect and dignity, that's all most of us ask for. As for me, there are plenty of ways to start a conversation about my son that won't make me want to turn and run. Start there, and I promise to return the kindness, respect and consideration that you showed me.<br />
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<br />Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-28632713269018463442014-02-06T08:54:00.000-08:002014-02-06T09:10:29.295-08:00Some days I'm SupermomSome days I'm Supermom. Other days, I'm the not so super mom, the one dragging her child out of the grocery store, looking dishevelled and sounding very scary. I try not to lose my patience. I try to keep it together. I try to live up to the parenting style I pride myself on practicing. But sometimes I do not succeed. Somedays I'm exhausted, mentally drained and beyond frustrated, and on those days it is hard to live up to my Supermom job description.<br />
I used to beat myself up so badly for the times I failed. I have had countless crying fits over my inability to parent, convinced I had probably scarred Ryder for life. I felt guilty for not having the housework done, all my paperwork in order, and getting all of Ryder's therapy done every day. Sometimes I get myself so worked up over not having everything under control, that nothing is under control.<br />
I'm not perfect. I yell sometimes. I kick crumbs under the fridge, rather than sweeping them up. I put on videos when I know I should be dealing with a behaviour. I stop for fast food when we're in a major rush. I don't wash my hair, let alone shower. I get annoyed and let it show. I clean the parts of the house that everyone sees and hide the rest of the mess behind closed doors. I yell at my husband when I'm really angry at someone else. I forget to take care of myself.<br />
But I also do a lot of things right. I talk to Ryder and tell him I'm sorry when I lose my temper. I try to learn from my parenting mistakes. I spend hours implementing the therapeutic strategies I have learned into our daily routine. I continue to learn as much as I can so that my child can be successful and strong. I take time to play and do the things that make Ryder happy. I'm organized. I have to be, even though things rarely go according to plan. I cook homemade meals and freeze them every week, so that we have good, healthy food to eat. I try to blow-dry my hair and put on some real clothes, no Lulu Lemon stretchy pants, at least twice a week, so that I may feel human again. I thank my husband for being such a great Dad and partner in life. I run and go to yoga in order to maintain the sense of calm inside that every mother yearns for, and requires.<br />
Being Supermom is great, but it's also okay when you're not! We all have our moments to shine, and then we all have our moments that we wish could be erased from the memories of anyone who was around to witness them. All we can do on any given day is try to do our best for that day. Don't hold your bad days against yourself. Say I'm sorry when you are, and also when you aren't, but you should be; and say I'm sorry to yourself when you're hard on you.<br />
You're still Supermom, even when your shirt is on backwards, your house is a mess, your kids are acting crazy, and you're trying not to murder anyone. Just when you think you're at your worst, you might do some of your best work yet.<br />
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<br />Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-50220185679156372192014-01-18T07:18:00.001-08:002014-01-18T07:18:50.435-08:00Hello, 2014!Just like that, another year has flown by, and before I have had time to blink, or blog, we're half way through the first month of 2014! 2013 was a journey filled with many adventures, ups and downs, and struggles and victories. On New Year's Eve, when we were out for our usual evening walk, Ryder was running down the sidewalk, and when he stopped to rest his legs, I told him how proud I was. Imagine, a boy who needed to use a walker, and only took his first steps on his own a year and a half ago, at the age of almost four, running down the street! It was a beautiful way to bid farewell to an amazing year.<br />
It wasn't all sunshine and roses though, and while I was sitting there on New Year's Day, wanting to write something joyful and inspiring, I was actually losing my mind. Ryder had been screaming for two weeks. He screamed during the day, he screamed in the middle of the night. It just wouldn't stop. Tyson and I were both frustrated, sad, and feeling helpless. While we knew from experience that it would pass, getting through it was painful. The fact that we were living in a condo didn't help, as our tried and true "planned ignore" method wasn't really a viable option, without disturbing all of our vacationing neighbours. So there I was, a blubbering, sleep deprived, ticking time bomb, clinging to the end of my rope and desperate to help my child who was, clearly, also at the end of his.<br />
We made it home, without any major incidents on our four and half hour flight, and Ryder began to come around after a few days. I had a particularly helpful meeting with his Behavioural Therapist, during which she explained to me a little bit more about the way kids with Autism learn. Ryder was hitting huge gross motor milestones while we were in Cabo, so while he was making gains in that area, his body was probably unable to manage his behaviour at the same time; hence, the screaming. Children with Autism have a difficult time working on more than one area of learning at a time, so when we see progress in communication, we might see regression in other areas, and so on. A light bulb went off in my head while she was explaining all of this to me, as we go through regular cycles of gains and regression in Ryder's development, and I never really understood why. She also pointed out that even typical kids go through this cycle at times, though not to the same degree as kids with Autism. This was all welcomed news to me. We have always known that when Ryder is struggling, we just need to ride it out, but now we know a little bit more about why he struggles.<br />
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Ryder continues to grow and develop, and while sometimes it can be painfully slow, we continue to see improvement in all areas. His communication remains his greatest area of challenge, and his greatest source of frustration. While we are making progress, we have yet to discover a communication method that works for him. We will not give up. Sleep continues to evade us, as Ryder wakes at least once a night, however, once is an improvement from 2 or 3 times! I can't tell you how desperate I am to find something to help improve his sleep-wake cycle, as I feel he would benefit so much developmnetally if he were sleeping better. We're working on it. We also have goals in the areas of self-care, including toileting and feeding, fine motor skills, which includes manipulating objects and motor planning, social skills, regulating behaviour, and more. We continue to work closely with a Speech Language Pathologist, Occupational Therapist, Physiotherapist and Behavioural Therapist, at school and also during our therapy sessions at home. While we still have plenty to work on, it's thrilling to be able to tell you how much progress Ryder has made over the past year! Everything has improved in one way or another; perhaps the most exciting for me being his communication through the use of eye contact or showing us what he wants or needs, as well as his engagement with others and his willingness to participate in activities, even the ones he's not crazy about. He is building connections with the people closest to him, including his respite providers, developmental aide, friends, and grandparents. It's so special to see him look at his friends, teachers, or therapists, and smile! His social skills have grown, and he handles large groups of children much better than before.<br />
Ryder continues to remind me not to take for granted the simple things in life, including being able to do some of the everyday things that just come naturally to most of us. While my life as a parent is not without challenges, it is by far the most rewarding role I have ever taken on; something I may have to remind myself next time the going gets tough! And it will get tough, and we will get through it, and then we'll be wondering what we were being so dramatic about to begin with. Isn't that the way it usually goes?</div>
Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-18630521639128713482013-11-27T07:56:00.000-08:002013-11-27T08:51:18.139-08:00The social lives of special needs moms<br />
Life is different when you have a child with special needs. Sometimes everything is harder. Simple things like brushing teeth and getting dressed can be major challenges for special kids. Some days simply getting out the door is a victory in itself.<br />
I'm a social butterfly. Dinners, parties, coffee dates, group outings: I love them all. But my social life as a mom to a child with special needs is vastly different from what it used to be. Of course I was prepared for my social life to change after having kids, I would have been foolish to think otherwise. However, I had no idea how challenging it would be to maintain any semblance of my old social life with the challenges that Ryder faces everyday.<br />
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Special needs moms tend to feel isolated at times. Sometimes we feel lonely or left out. While Ryder is a very friendly, loving little boy, he is easily overwhelmed by large groups, unfamiliar sights and sounds, and new faces. We have worked really hard on Ryder's socialization over the past four years. More often than not, his challenges go beyond social skills, and are rooted in sensory issues, which are sometimes difficult for people to understand. Even if Ryder wants to do something, he may not be able to, as he gets railroaded by sensory overload. Everything is heightened for Ryder- sight, smell, sound, touch- and all of these things are increased ten fold at any type of busy social setting. To him, this is often way too much, and can push him over the edge, to a point of complete discomfort and eventually, a total meltdown. We can't just pick up, pack up, and go somewhere. Everything has to be planned and timed appropriately.</div>
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This hasn't stopped us from trying though. You might wonder why we would torture Ryder by dragging him to a function if he is just going to be miserable. Sometimes I wonder that myself! A few years ago, a friend, and mom to another special kid, told me not to stop trying and not to stop attending these events, no matter how challenging it was, or we might never start doing these things again. That really resonated with me, and so we persevere. Sometimes we might attend something for a matter of mere minutes, and we often set a goal for that day. On a good day, we might aim for 30 minutes, on a bad day 15 minutes, and on a really bad day, we might opt not to go. And then there are the days we're able to stay for hours and I even get a chance to actually socialize! Though social situations can be especially difficult for us, we want to see our friends; even Ryder, who might act like he could care less at times. There are days he has so much fun with our friends, and those days make all the crummy ones worthwhile.<br />
Other special needs moms are dealing with feeding tubes, lack of sleep, behavioural issues, health problems, mobility restrictions, and many more. None of these things make it easy to get out and be a part of things. Going out on our own is no exception to these challenges. Finding suitable childcare is twice as hard when you have a child with special needs, and respite, while wonderful, can also be unreliable at times. When we do get a break we often need to sleep, eat, get the shopping done, or simply take a little time to breathe; and the social piece just has to wait. </div>
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I've accepted my social fate and have come to the realization that a birthday party or a group trip to the zoo might be less of chance for me to see my friends, and more of a chance to work on Ryder's tolerance and ability to be out. I don't fret if I don't have a chance to say hello to everyone, get something to eat or drink, or stay for the main event. Sometimes we're leaving no sooner than we have arrived. I don't try to pretend it's all okay when it's not. Social gatherings can be really stressful, especially when you see your child struggling to such extremes. I might leave in a flurry. And that's okay.<br />
So although we moms of special kids may not be able to attend things the way we want to, please invite us anyway, and understand when we just can't make it work. Our social lives are different now, but we still feel the same.</div>
Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-46639804394886299172013-10-13T07:02:00.000-07:002013-10-13T08:05:09.140-07:00The DAN ApproachAbout a year ago, we were referred by our Naturopathic doctor to an Autism specialist who practices here in Calgary. We were excited to hear of the hope Dr. S has for Ryder. Dr. S is a DAN doctor, which stands for Defeat Autism Now, and doctors who practice under this approach believe that Autism can be treatable. It is mainly dependent on age, for example, Dr. S only sees patients under the age of six. Anyone specializing in Autism, or most other developmental delays, will stress the importance of early intervention, and this holds true for the DAN approach. DAN doctors believe that there are issues going on in the Autistic child's body, which do not allow their brains to function at capacity. By cleaning up other parts of the body, they can help to create room for the child to function at a higher level. DAN is a biomedical approach, and is controversial and not yet really mainstream. It is more widely available in the USA, for a hefty fee. DAN doctors are hard to come by here in Canada, and often have lengthy waiting times. There can be fees in Canada as well, depending on the doctor you see, but if he or she is an MD practicing for the public health system in their province, their care may be covered by health care.<br />
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Many mainstream physicians and clinicians don't support the DAN approach. It is not scientifically proven and many of its results are not measurable, but observable. Even some parents of Autistic children disagree with the treatment, arguing that we should accept our Autistic children for who they are, rather than try to change them.<br />
For Tyson and I, the decision to try the DAN approach was an easy one- we are willing to try almost anything that might help to improve Ryder's life, his health, and his comfort and well being; provided it is safe of course. I have no desire to "change" or "cure" Ryder, let me be very clear. I am totally OK with Ryder just the way he is- unique, beautiful and strong. However, I feel it would be selfish of me not to give Ryder every opportunity to feel better and live better. Some people might ask, how do I know he isn't already doing this? Well, I know when I hear him screaming and yelling, writhing around in complete discomfort. I know when I get up with him throughout the night, when his body is unable to rest and recover. And I know when we are trying to do one of his most favourite things in the world, and he just can't enjoy it because the rest of the world around him is just too overwhelming. So far, our biggest investment into the DAN treatment has been time and perseverance, as well as a willingness to commit to some further dietary changes, and sticking to a strict medication schedule. We weren't sure if we would see results or not, but to us- it was worth a shot!<br />
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The first step of the process was to begin administering MB12 shots every 3 days. It is thought that many Autistic children have defects in their methylation, which plays a key role in the proper functioning of the brain and the nervous system. This had an immediate impact on Ryder's behaviour. He became more engaged and attentive. He looked at us more. His teachers noticed a change in him as well.<br />
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Next, Dr. S ran a full blood work up on Ryder to determine not only food allergies, but food intolerances. Many doctors believe that food intolerances in Autistic kids can wreak havoc on their already compromised digestive systems and gut flora disturbances. Eliminating the foods which aggravate their systems can help these kids improve in many ways, including gut functioning and behaviour, and as such, our next step was to eliminate such foods from Ryder's diet. For Ryder, this meant not only continuing to follow a gluten free, dairy free diet, but also eliminating almonds and soy, and drastically reducing his intake of several other foods. After eliminating these additional foods, Ryder stopped having such frequent and severe constipation and/or diarrhea. Making dietary changes was not easy- Ryder reacted like any kid would- but it was worth it! After 8 weeks of following a strict, clean diet, we began to administer an anti-fungal antibiotic to remove the yeast-like fungus which is often present in Autistic children. There are natural products which some people believe to be as effective as anti-biotic medications, however, some doctors believe you can achieve the best results with anti-biotic anti-fungals. It basically works like this: Results should become noticeable through changes in behaviour, both good and bad, as well as stomach functioning. If we did not see results after 2 weeks, we would discontinue the treatment, as we don't want to be unnecessarily medicating Ryder if we are not achieving the desired results. It continues on a schedule until treatment is complete, and treatment can be stopped at any time. We are currently in our last phase of anti-fungal treatment. It has been a challenge, to say the least. The treatment manifests itself through changes in behaviour, and while treatment is in progress, Ryder goes through waves of behavioural ups and downs. It's kind of like riding a roller coaster- one day we're flying high, a couple days later we're experiencing the lowest of lows, meltdowns and restlessness. We have no idea what's actually going on in his body, or how or what he is feeling, so we try desperately to support him and be patient as he goes through the tough times during this cycle.<br />
So you might be asking yourself, how will they know if this has worked? We have to go with our gut on this one, no pun intended. We watch Ryder closely and receive lots of input from his aide, teacher, and therapists. So far this year, they have noted, excitedly I might add, that Ryder is more willing to participate at school, even in non-preferred activities. He is more socially engaged and takes time to observe the world around him. His interests are also diversifying. At home, we have noticed much of the same, and also that his happy times now outweigh his unsettled times.<br />
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The last step in the DAN approach is called chelation therapy, and this is a process which removes heavy metals from the body. Chelation has to be closely monitored and administered appropriately, like any medical treatment. Again, it's controversial. For Ryder, chelation probably will not be in the cards, as the metals that are at high levels in his system cannot be treated or removed via chelation, unfortunately.<br />
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It took me a while to decide that I wanted to share on this subject. Due to the controversial nature of biomedical treatments and the DAN approach, I just wasn't sure I was up for it! I'm not trying to sell this approach or these ideas today, rather I am hoping to provide you some insight into what steps we have decided to take to help improve Ryder's life. I will say that we have seen incredible results over the past year, and whether that is a direct result of these therapies, I cannot tell you for certain. But I can tell you that, in conjunction with intensive therapy, the results are there. And we will never look back and wonder, did we do everything we could have done to help our son?Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-50066954654843924932013-09-24T08:29:00.000-07:002013-09-24T08:33:23.032-07:00FiveIt's hard to believe we are already three weeks into the school year. It's even harder to believe that Ryder has turned five years old and is in his Kindergarten year at school! Sometimes time really does fly.<br />
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We had an amazing summer. Ryder had his Gtube removed and surgery to close the site. It was the end of another chapter in our life. We celebrated, and as I looked back on our journey with the feeding tube, I felt an overwhelming rush of emotions- relief, happiness, pride, strength and sadness. When Ryder first got his feeding tube (an NG Tube which goes in through the nose and down the throat into the stomach), I thought we would never survive. My role as Mom was quickly shifting to make shift nurse. Inserting that thing was horrifying at the start, but gradually became part of our routine. It's amazing what you can do when you have to do it. As we began to see Ryder's growth improve with the NG Tube, we decided to move to a GTube, a more permanent solution. Two surgeries later, we were up and running, and Ryder continued to do very well. While we tube fed to get in the majority of Ryder's calories, we also put in long hours encouraging him to take foods orally. At the beginning, meal times averaged an hour each. It was a test in patience, but one that came with great rewards. By the end of Ryder's journey with his Gtube, he was eating all of his food orally, and had even started feeding himself some food items. Once he was able to maintain his growth for six months without the use of the feeding tube, it was time to take it out! Over two years after we first inserted the feeding tube, we shook hands with our amazing Gastroenterologist at the Alberta Children's Hospital and headed on our way. I cried tears of joy. We did it! We did it.</div>
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We still have a long way to go with feeding, but our struggle looks much more like that of a typical toddler these days- Ryder having strong food preferences and dislikes, and not wanting to eat when there is something more exciting going on. We continue to work closely with Ryder's Occupational Therapists to strengthen his fine motor skills, so that one day he will be able to feed himself with cutlery. For now, I can't tell you how lovely it is to sit at the table in the morning and watch my son feed himself toast. It is a great start.</div>
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Not only is Ryder making progress with eating, he continues to make great strides with his gross motor development and communication. Looking at him now, it is hard to believe that he took his first steps on his own just one year and three months ago! He still wears AFOs (leg braces) for full support when walking, but can walk without them as well. Sometimes I can hardly keep up to that kid. We are also having some success with the use of PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) cards. While we don't yet use the system in its true form, Ryder is responding well to the use of the cards and he is beginning to understand the power of communication- for example, if he touches the "swing" card, he gets to swing, and so on. Although Ryder's inability to communicate continues to be a major frustration for him at times, it is nice to know we are making some headway. </div>
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As for me, I am finally started to feel a little more human again! While nights of uninterrupted sleep are still few and far between for Ryder, and therefore, myself, it feels like we are finally out of survival mode. I have a little room to breathe. For those of you who are currently in survival mode, I can honestly say that you will get through it, if not permanently, at least for a little while. Be sure to take care of yourself in the interim.</div>
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As I said before, sometimes time really does fly. Other times, things seem to drag on for an eternity! Sitting here now, looking back on the past five years, I'm proud to see how many strides we have made and how much we have all grown. It wasn't always easy. Heck, it usually wasn't easy! But what a gift we have received in the end.</div>
Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-54568554350317207032013-08-20T09:35:00.000-07:002013-08-22T08:21:06.287-07:00It's out there- the letter. The one sent from an anonymous author to the Grandmother of an autistic boy. If you haven't read it by now, google it. You'll know the one I'm talking about. Its words are cruel and callous. They are hateful. It is rife with ignorance, intolerance and uneducated ranting. It is so shocking that many of us thought, perhaps this can't be true? Can this really be real? One commenter online suggested that perhaps a group of special needs supporters wrote the letter to bring attention to our cause. I don't think so friend. You'd never hear those kinds of words leave the mouths of true advocates for people with special needs. Another commenter said she hoped the author would have her own child with special needs, as punishment, clearly implying that having special needs is a bad thing. Others thought there was a point about noise pollution, though they didn't necessarily agree with all that was written. And then there were the thousands of comments from people who were disgusted and appalled by the letter, some so much that they resorted to spewing their own hate.<br />
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The premise of the letter is almost laughable- the author can't stand the sounds the autistic child makes while out in the backyard. Last time I checked, people are allowed to be out in their backyard and they are certainly allowed to make noise. On any given day, in my neighbourhood, there are dogs barking, kids yelling and laughing, lawnmowers running, just to name a few. People <i>live </i>here. I don't like all of these sounds. Some drive me up the wall. So I close my window. Or better yet, just ignore it. It's not <i>my </i> neighbourhood, it's <i>our </i>neighbourhood. The author also opens up a whole other can of worms, saying the child's sounds aren't <i>normal.</i> What the heck is normal anymore? Certainly, many Autistic people do make different, atypical sounds. Many people with special needs have issues with speech and vocalization. It may not sound <i>normal </i>to you, but they are just talking and communicating too.<br />
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The language in the letter is abhorrent. The author uses the word <i>retarded </i>more than once, suggests that the child is not normal and will never have a normal life; and also says he may as well be put down and have his <i>non-retarded body parts </i>be sold. The suggestions she makes are borderline psychotic, and the words she has chosen are clearly promoting hate.<br />
So what should we take from this letter? Well, to me, given the author's stance and many of the comments which ensued from the letter, it is clear that there is still a great misunderstanding of Autism and many other special needs conditions. There is an obvious lack of awareness and education in our society, as to what these conditions are, how they impact the individuals themselves and their families, their ability to learn and be part of the community, as well as their rights as human beings. As we see everyday in our world, we are short on patience and tolerance, in all kinds of situations and scenarios<i>- </i>and this story is no different.<br />
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In my experience, people fear what they do not understand. They are quick to judge, but can often be urged to reconsider once they have all the information at hand. It certainly isn't one's job to inform the neighbourhood of their child's Autism, but if asked about their child, I would hope they would be happy to explain who their child is. That being said, if you decide to ask someone about their condition or needs, do it with grace and respect. As a Mom to an Autistic son, I have never been offended by someone asking me questions about my child, other than the odd <i>what's wrong with him?, </i>which has led me to respond, <i>nothing-what's wrong with you?! </i>I hold my head high, even in the toughest situations- like when my son is having a behavioural issue in the grocery store. I deal with it as swiftly as I can. I do not apologize to other shoppers, as long as I am not in their way. I do not offer explanation, unless asked. And I do remove my son from the situation as soon as it is safe to do so. Like any other parent, I discourage bad behaviour and stand my ground when it comes to rules. But rules work differently for an Autistic child, and sometimes take more time to enforce. Sometimes what appears to be yelling, might be a child's talking. I can't tell you how many times people have stared at me when I tell my son <i>good talking</i> and he is simply making sounds like eeee or yeah yeah yeah yeah. He is communicating- what a wonderful thing! Now there are times when he screams like a banshee and I swear the neighbours must think I am trying to murder him, but during those times, we come inside and close the window (unless it's sweltering hot) and try to spare the rest of the world the noise. But that has only a little to do with Autism- and has everything to do with being a kid! How many times have you seen a parent dragging a child kicking and screaming away from something they don't want to leave?<br />
<br />
The last thing I want to tell you is that kids with special needs are special. They are children who face unbelievable challenges on a daily basis. But underneath it all, they are just kids. They want to laugh and play and be happy and feel safe. They may be sweet and wonderful, and they may be extremely difficult at times, but they are human beings, growing, learning, and living. They are a gift. Not a day goes by when I don't learn something from my son, and I often hear friends and family say how lucky we are to have him in our lives, to learn from and to love. Every challenge we face is rewarded by every milestone we meet. Even the smallest success makes the difficult times worthwhile. Being a parent is not always easy, but the love and the joy we get to experience makes it something most of us wouldn't trade for the world. And this is no different for parents of children with special needs.<br />
<br />
So do not take anger with you out into the world today. Leave your judgement at home too. Be open minded and willing to learn. And remember that we are all human- and all any human wants is to be accepted and loved. <br />
<br />Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-80929437544838541242013-06-15T07:37:00.001-07:002013-06-15T07:37:49.760-07:00Part-time single parentIt's not easy being a single parent. I know this from what I hear from my single parent friends, and I know a little bit about this firsthand, as a parent whose partner is away more than half of the month, every month. Taking on the role of two people is no easy task. It means double the responsibility, double the workload, and double the time investment. And since you can't duplicate yourself, some things just end up not getting done. Some days it's the cleaning or the cooking, some days it's the kids' homework or costume for the school play, and some days, it's all of the above. There aren't enough hours in the day, and there isn't enough coffee in Columbia to give you the energy to get through it all. So you take it one thing at a time, do what you can, and try to keep up as much as possible. I barely get one thing done, then it's time to do something else. Sometimes I have to rely on other people for help. That can be a bit of a crapshoot. Last week my respite lady bailed at the last minute, this week I'm left in a lurch without childcare again. My board meeting will go on without me, but I would certainly rather be there fulfilling my commitment. I don't have a back-up if I'm running late, or not feeling well, and there's nobody to step in when I could use a break. Fortunately for me, I do have a partner who will come home eventually and help take on some of the responsibilities! But functioning on my own as a parent has given me a huge amount of respect for those who do it on their own day in and day out. I hope you sleep when you can, leave the dirty dishes in the sink sometimes, and spend $40 on a babysitter from time to time so you can go out and light it up. Or go grocery shopping without the kids. Whatever you do to keep your sanity, keep doing it. And give yourself a big pat on the back. It may not always run seamlessly, but you're doing it- and you're doing a great job.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-30059582256380606102013-05-29T23:01:00.001-07:002013-05-30T06:54:55.980-07:00Cloudy with a chance of sunshineThis morning started out pretty tough. Ryder had been up several times in the night, screaming and jumping up and down on his knees, and then woke up mad and screaming some more. Turns out, he had a bandage taped to his belly that was driving him crazy, and making him itch. But he couldn't tell us that. Then because of all the late night commotion, we were running late for school. When we're running late, there's no rushing or making up time (although for some reason I still insist on trying sometimes). On a good day, getting ready is enough of a challenge- try speeding it up and you're asking for a major meltdown. We have to space things out into stages: toothbrushing, brushing and styling hair, getting dressed, putting AFOs (leg braces) and shoes on, taking medicine. Ryder needs breaks in between because these things are challenging for him and can send him into a tailspin, mainly because they all involve a level of sensory input which is overwhelming for him. Some days go off without a hitch. Other days, usually when we're late of course, are a battle and I am ready to crawl back into bed before I have even made it out the door. On those days, everything feels heavy. Sometimes I fall into a little trap of self-pity, thinking to myself it's not fair that the basic tasks we all complete each and every day are so difficult for Ryder, and as such, for me. I get angry, flustered and sad. And then I get over it. We've all got things in our life that are challenging, these are my challenges. And all I can do is face them, and move on.<br />
The day got better. I spent time with some good friends, Ryder had a great morning at school, and by the time the afternoon rolled around, we were in full swing again. We met a little girl at the park today who is also Autistic. She was swinging on the swing beside Ryder, and when I was making sounds, she sort of started to copy me. She didn't say anything else, and I was pretty sure she had Autism. So when she went to play on the slide, I asked her father if she talked (Autistic kids are GREAT listeners, so when you are talking about them, they can and do hear you!), and he said she didn't, and that she has Autism. We quickly bonded over our kids who both share a love for swinging, swimming, and have the same diagnosis. I was glad that I spoke up and said hello. That father was so happy to talk and to tell me about his daughter. Sometimes that's all it takes to let somebody know that you are there and that you care- even when you don't know that person at all. That father reminded me that we are not in this alone. Other people struggle too and other people persevere.<br />
When Ryder started to cry and wail a bit tonight, I didn't feel defeated at all- he was just tired! We had a great, busy, happy day. It's always nice when you can sit back and think about a day that didn't start out quite right and think, you know, this day wasn't so bad after all. We were late for school, which meant I was late to meet my friend, but none of that really mattered in the end. I opted not to do Ryder's hair this morning, due to the time constraints, and I don't think anybody noticed. And instead of worrying about all the things we <i>should </i>have been doing this afternoon, Ryder and I spent the day having fun and doing the things that make us happy. And tonight as I look back on the day, I am thankful for all that has been given to me, and that Ryder chose me to be his Mom. Life is good.<br />
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<br />Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-12496639682081326662013-04-01T17:55:00.000-07:002013-04-01T17:55:09.456-07:00Making TimeWell just like that, the month of March has flown by. I decided to do a run challenge for the month, and was very happy when I was able to say that as of last night, I had completed it- running at least one mile, everyday. It was my first 30 day challenge, and I was excited to find something that I could actually fit into my life and set myself up for success. Not that it was always easy- there were a couple of nights I found myself on the treadmill at eleven o'clock at night wondering what the hell I was doing hammering out a mile before bed or powering through a stomach bug to get my mile done. But I promised myself I was going to do it, and I did it. March taught me that I can do the things I want to do, I just have to choose to do them. So often we makes excuses and use the words <i>I can't </i>or <i>I'm too busy </i>or <i>I'm too tired. </i>Those words might hold some truth, but they can also be prophetic, not to mention a cop out. No one else is going to take responsibility for you and your physical and mental health. Only you can make time for exercise, stress relief, and personal time. And we all need it! Whatever your circumstances in life, it is so incredibly important to take time out for yourself. It could be as simple as a few hours to spend with a good friend, taking in a yoga class, or going grocery shopping without any kids. It could be as lovely as going for a massage, or a pedicure, or even a night away with your husband or a friend. But we all need it, these mental health breaks called free time. And as far as exercise goes, which is key to both mental and physical health, you don't have to run a mile a day, but you do need to find something that fits into your schedule that you can commit to and enjoy. And if you say you don't enjoy any form of exercise at all, we'll you had better fake it 'til you make it, because we all need to stay active! There are hundreds of options, many of which require no equipment or cost at all, so get moving- your body and soul will thank you. I love running, yoga and playing soccer, so these to me are like killing two birds with one stone- exercise and an awesome release. Hopefully you can find activities that do the same for you.<br />
So how are you going to do this, find time for all this self-care? Skip your evening TV show or wake up early, and hit the treadmill, bike or pavement. Don't have a babysitter? Find one! It is not impossible and there are other humans in the world who can keep your children alive for a couple of hours. Save your coffee money for a week or two, and book yourself into the spa. Make it happen. You can! And you deserve it!Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-19216432320387728242013-03-22T07:05:00.000-07:002013-03-22T07:05:03.024-07:00Road BlocksWouldn't it be great if life were laid out for us on a nice open highway? No bumps, potholes, twists and turns; no ups and downs, no detours, road blocks or wash outs. Sometimes the road is smooth sailing- sun shining, top down, music pumping, nothing-can-get-in-your-way kind of driving. Next thing you know, the pavement cracks open and you are sucked down into a sinkhole, left wondering how in the world you are going to get out.<br />
On this highway of life, sometimes I'd like to take an alternate route! But I have found that most of the time, the obstacles in life are best faced head on. That is far from easy, however. So what gets you through the difficult times and the challenges you face in your life?<br />
Somedays I am convinced that nothing is going to work. I might as well lay down, pull the covers over my head and hope for an apocalypse. Unfortunately though, for most of us, (or perhaps unbeknownst to us at the time, <i>fortunately</i>), life's responsibilities keep dragging us out of bed. We press on. Get back in the driver's seat and set out again. I have found that the little things can make a difference- coffee, a phone call with a good friend, or saying a prayer and giving it over to God. It could take a few minutes of meditation, a hot shower, or giving the treadmill hell for 20 minutes. You might even have to start thinking about making some big changes, assuming more responsibility for the way you're driving, or even permanently paving over some cracks that kept bringing you down. Whatever it takes, whatever works for you, remember when you hit those road blocks, that there are ways around them. And if you get stuck waiting for a while, you do have options to help get you through. Above all else, breathe deep- "<i>this too shall pass"</i>. Try not to punch anyone in the face when they try to tell you this in the depths of your despair- it may be tempting, but they are right. You will get through it!<br />
I hope the road is wide open for you today, and if it's not, I hope you remember that <i>you're</i> the one behind the wheel. It may take a while to get to where you want to go, but you'll get there.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-44674379633752656242013-02-27T10:57:00.000-08:002013-02-27T10:57:19.549-08:00Just differentWe spent an amazing weekend with our friends out in BC last week. The trip was a milestone for us and a victory in itself, as Ryder did extremely well travelling and staying in a new place (it was his first visit to our friends' new home). He didn't have any major meltdowns, ate well, slept well, and interacted well with the other kids. It was probably the best weekend away as a family that we have had so far! Ryder has been buddies with brothers, J and A, since he was born and they know him well. They have always had a sense that Ryder was a little different, and have always looked out for him, often even a little more than they look out for each other! Like many of our little friends, they have often asked out of curiosity, "why can't Ryder walk?" or "why does he have that thing (that thing being his feeding tube)?". Once, I told the boys I had to get home to take Ryder to a doctor's appointment and J asked me if the doctor was going to teach Ryder how to talk.<br />
Kids have a million questions about everything, and we are used to the inquisitions, and are more than happy to explain. Knowledge is power, after all.<br />
On this particular visit though, J was quite serious one morning at breakfast. He was asking the usual questions- why doesn't Ryder talk? when will Ryder learn to talk?- when he gently stated that Ryder is "kind of weird". Trying not to falter, I began to explain that Ryder isn't really weird, he is just different. I told him that he learns things in different ways than other kids do, and some things are a lot harder for him to do. We talked for a few minutes about it, and then went on with our day, the kids playing away as they always do. It was an endearing moment for me, as I knew J's statement was genuine and honest, and not meant to be unkind. It was an "oh my God, did he just say that?!" moment for his mom, as it is widely known to us adults that saying one is weird is not generally socially acceptable. But we all had a little laugh over it.<br />
We have all met someone who is a little different- whether they are physically or mentally challenged, have physical abnormalities, behavioural problems, or any other visible or noticeable characteristics that just aren't like most people. It's normal to be curious. As adults we know that we can't have the answer to every question we might have (well most of us anyway) and that there are social scripts that we follow, which don't generally include asking a stranger why he only has one leg or why a grown woman makes funny noises. But kids don't! Don't be embarrassed if your kids ask questions about these things and do be honest. Do talk to them at a time that is more appropriate and help them to understand that everybody is different, and that's ok. Start simple, and lay the foundation for acceptance and kindness. And be sure to practice it yourself. Do not judge. In order to teach your children to be kind and open-minded, you must start with yourself. Because we're all a little weird in our own way, after all.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-52952462064059172872013-01-29T09:04:00.000-08:002013-01-29T09:04:05.905-08:00JanuaryWith every new year comes an opportunity for new things- a fresh start, a second chance, another shot at getting things right. I revel in the idea of the clean slate a new year brings. The past is neatly tucked away into last year, though the memories live on. Taking the lessons learned with me, I set my sights on new goals, strive for new achievements and focus on what I can do better this year.<br />
Ryder continues to encourage me to stay strong in the face of adversity. He is growing and changing so much now! His eating has improved significantly- we have not used his feeding tube since August, 2012. If he continues to progress, we may be able to remove the GTube sometime early this year. He loves to walk, and is constantly moving, prompting me to think he is making up for lost time. I am so proud of my little champion, who has come so far. While Ryder is still non-verbal, we are working hard to find ways for him to communicate, through the use of signs, eye contact and picture cards. Yesterday, I called out to him and he responded! It took a few tries, but he made a sound as if to say "Mom, I'm here!". It is so exciting to see him listening to instructions, and making clear attempts to communicate back. We struggle with the ongoing disordered sleep, sensory issues, and behavioral problems, but all in all, Ryder is making great strides.<br />
I am excited to see where the new year will take us. Tyson and I will run the National Capital Race Weekend Half Marathon in Ottawa this May. My Dad is taking great steps in his battle against Parkinson's Disease. We are working closely with an Autism specialist to help heal Ryder. I will continue to volunteer my time as a Board member at Pacekids. I am trying to spend more time enjoying my family, and less time cleaning up after them. And in a world that can make you crazy, I am trying to find a harmonious balance between my responsibilities and the things that make me happy.<br />
I hope your new year is off to a fabulous start. With January coming to an end in just a couple of days, maybe think about all the things you have done well this month, the things you could have done better, and the things you wish to do and be next month...<br />
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<br />Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-33207963091125808622012-12-02T09:43:00.002-08:002012-12-02T09:43:47.249-08:00When I Grow Up33 years. That's how long I have been living on this planet, in this world. It sounds like a while. Long enough that I should know something about life, though not everything about it quite yet. Yet I continue to learn new lessons all of the time. I continue to grow and change, to make mistakes and learn from them, and to discover more and more about the person who I want to be. Life, with all of its complexities and curve balls, can actually be very simple, yet sometimes I make it so difficult for myself. I know I am not alone in this one! And that brings me to today. I woke up and thought to myself, who do I want to be today? That's the beauty of being human, there is always an opportunity to make changes, to redefine ourselves and be the best we can be. Every day is a new chance to live your best life. And if today is a sad day, an "I don't want to get out of bed and face the world day"- that's okay too. Tomorrow is another brand new day!<br />
I wonder who I will be when I grow up. I wonder what I would say to my 33 year old self when I am 73. I'm pretty sure it would sound a little like this... Be kind to yourself. Trust your instincts. Respect your body. Eat well, sleep well. Laugh! Cherish your friends and family. Don't give up, even when things are tough. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Know that it is never too late to change something you don't like. And love- love as hard as you possibly can.<br />
I wonder what the world will teach me today? I'll let you know tomorrow.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-12685634153590369492012-11-04T06:56:00.000-08:002012-11-04T06:56:24.368-08:00How far we've comeJust before bed last night, I sat down in front of our digital picture frame and watched photos of Ryder flash by. My heart swelled with pride and my eyes filled with tears (mostly happy, but a few sad) to see old photos of Ryder. Feeding tube sticking out of his nose, crawling across the bridge at the park because he couldn't walk, this kid is the poster child for overcoming adversity. I remember vividly the day I first put that feeding tube up Ryder's nose, down his throat and secured it into his stomach. I did it- but then I walked around the children's hospital crying my eyes out, thinking I can't do this, I just can't. It was horrifying, but necessary. It never became easy, but it did become easier. As we saw Ryder's growth improve, we knew that it was worth the pain and struggle.<br />
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<br />
These days we have a G-Tube (a feeding tube that goes directly into Ryder's stomach), and Ryder is eating like a champ. Hours and hours of sitting at the table, first offering food, then tube feeding the much needed calories, have paid off, as Ryder eats surprisingly well for a child with such great feeding issues. Ryder no longer crawls around the playground out of necessity, however, he still opts to walk on his knees frequently. But he can walk! He is bigger. He is stronger.</div>
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Now our biggest challenges are Ryder's disordered sleeping, which is up and down like the weather, his inability to communicate verbally, and the latest, an increase in Ryder's behaviours, including biting himself and others, probably a side effect of the MB12 shots we have started giving him every few days. The side effects will fade away, but that can't happen soon enough!</div>
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Last night was a much needed reminder of how far we've come. Sometimes I get so bogged down in the challenges we are facing, that I forget the progress Ryder has made. I think to myself, when does it end??? The reality is, that it doesn't. As we go through life, we are constantly tested, pushed to our limits, and then tested again. One struggle ends and another one begins! It can be a little disheartening if you don't look at the bigger picture. We will always be faced with adversity in our lives, but the pride and joy we experience when we push through these difficult times makes us strong and reminds us that we can get through anything. I have learned to celebrate the victories, accept the challenges and embrace the constant change that is life. Life is quite a ride. But it's a ride I'd miss terribly if I'd never fastened my seatbelt and held on.<br />
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Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-49858003393103487462012-10-16T19:47:00.000-07:002012-10-16T19:47:11.578-07:00A Eulogy for Gram...
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If you look
around at the Bastedo children and grandchildren sitting here today, you
will see a commonality that goes beyond genetics. This is a family so committed
to one another; a family with huge hearts and a sense of determination that may
have wavered at one time or another, but has never let up. We didn’t just acquire that out of sheer luck- we were fortunate
enough to belong to this family, and fortunate to learn the most important
lessons from my Grandmother, Marian.</div>
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My Grandma was an incredible person- brave, strong, bold,
and caring. She was intelligent and innovative-a women ahead of her time. I can
still remember the day she took office as the Mayor of Stirling-Rawdon. I would
expect nothing less from this woman. She was a mover and a shaker, and, if
opinions were required, she had many! Stirling- the village with the big heart,
and Grandma was such a part of that big heart. During her terms serving on
council and as Mayor and Reeve, she strived to maintain and move forward the
integrity and spirit of the town she so loved.</div>
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Her passion for Bridge provided my Grandma the opportunity
to meet many great people, and brought her much happiness. The game challenged
her, and allowed her to stay competitive and sharp. Just a week ago, while in
hospital, she looked at my Mom, Beth, and reminded her, “now don’t forget to
renew my Bridge membership for me”. She used to drive all over the countryside
to get to her bridge tournaments, and when she could no longer drive, she took
the train. Nothing could stop that lady from playing Bridge!</div>
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Some of my fondest memories of my Grandmother are long ago,
cooking and eating breakfasts and dinners in a jam packed kitchen and dining
area, with my Grandfather and Grandma heading the operation and the rest of our family and friends munching on homemade fare, sipping on hot coffee or cocktails, and
buzzing about. Regardless of who stopped by, there always seemed to be
plenty of room and food.</div>
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Grandma’s house was full of interesting treasures and gems,
and you can be sure that we found them all. I remember a time shortly after my
Grandfather had passed away, when we discovered this old briefcase in Grandma’s
closet. It was full of old papers and things that had belonged to Grandpa, and
we were sure it was some secret mystery waiting to be discovered. I think the
thing just reminded her of Grandpa, so she couldn’t throw it away.</div>
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We congregated every Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and
long weekend we could for as long as I remember, and there was nothing better
than going to Grandma’s house. You didn’t have to ask what you were doing for
holidays, you were going to some kind of Bastedo family affair. I can only imagine how happy and proud
those times must have been for Grandma. They were easily some of the best of
our lives.</div>
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Grandma was not afraid to “tell it like it is”. She was
often scolded for her use of curse words in front of the children (which we
found utterly hilarious), but you darn sure didn’t hear us using those words in
front of her. </div>
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When I was doing a project in University for a Sociology course, I needed to interview two generations of people in my family
about dating. When I interviewed Grandma, she was more than happy to tell me
about how she met Grandpa and how their love story unfolded. I think that was
one of the first times I actually saw my Grandma as a girl, like myself,
romantic, silly, and in love. We talked for some time about her courtship with
my Grandpa, and before I hung up the phone, I asked Grandma why she had never
dated anyone else after Grandpa died. She paused for a second and told me “she
just never met anyone she liked as much as Grandpa”. I don’t think my Grandmother ever stopped missing my
Grandfather, not even for a day, and now, knowing that she has gone to join her
love, the sadness in my heart lifts a little and I can manage a little smile. </div>
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I admired my Grandmother for so many reasons- her career,
the family she raised, her love for life, her pride in her community, her faith
and devotion to the Church, and the way she lived her life on her own terms.
She was one of a kind. While I am incredibly sad to be standing
here today saying farewell to this wonderful lady, I am beyond proud to be her
Granddaughter, and I hope that I will leave half the footprints on this world behind
that she has when I go.</div>
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<o:p>Grandma, you have given us so many wonderful moments, so many great laughs and so much love. </o:p></div>
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We’ll miss you terribly, but I know there is more
than one soul up there in Heaven happy to have you home. We love you.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8294500395876300219.post-4104207830325849492012-10-04T09:24:00.001-07:002012-10-04T09:24:19.762-07:00Parenting 101. There are about a million books on the shelves that can tell you how it should be done. But until you are actually parenting a real child, an individual with their own unique personality and needs, it's pretty difficult to determine which approach will work best for you and that kid. Sometimes, as a Mom, I feel like I am doing everything wrong! This is not only because I have a child who is the exception to most of the rules, but because we are made to feel that way constantly, by people around us and by society in general. It starts when you have a newborn- your baby is too fat, another too small, even though both are on a strict diet of breast milk. Then there is the look of horror on the face of the other Moms in your playgroup, visibly appalled that not only does your child not sleep through the night, he still drinks a bottle before bed, likes his soother at night time, and often ends up wedged tightly between you and your husband in the middle of the night. And of course, the fact that you use TV to bribe your 3 year old into eating vegetables, candy to get your toddler to sit quietly while you finish the grocery shopping, and video games to quiet your rambunctious five year old for an hour so you can get something, anything, accomplished is clearly not up to parenting standards. Sometimes you yell, sometimes they yell, and sometimes you're both yelling (nobody is supposed to yell, according to the books. Ever.) You're tired. You don't have time to make homemade baby food purees or cookies every week, nor can you always sit the kids down for a proper time out for hitting each other at bedtime because both you, and they, are at the end of your rope, at the end of the day. You've given up washing your kid's face or forcing them to comb their ratty looking hair because you just don't feel like entering a battle of wills before leaving the house at 7:30am.<br />
I've never met a Mom who doesn't question her parenting skills and strategies at one time or another. We all feel inadequate at times. Why shouldn't we? We are overworked, underpaid, and determined to do the best damn job we can raising our kids. We are the ones shaping their minds and their futures- and that's a lot of weight on our shoulders. So when it comes down to it, I think we can only do one thing, and that is to ask ourselves, "am I doing the best job that I can do"?. There are no rules when it comes to parenting, despite what you may have come to believe. With the wealth of advice and insight on doing the job right that surrounds us, we have to sift through it all and figure out what works best for us. We make the best decisions that we can for our children with the knowledge that we possess at that time. There is no right or wrong way of getting the job done, so long as you get it done! We all want well behaved, well adjusted kids who are smart and kind and able to function well as members of society (though sometimes it may feel as though you have given birth to a demon child). And they'll get there. And they will more than likely turn out okay. My parenting advice to you- don't be afraid to challenge conventional parenting approaches if they don't work for you, and don't be afraid to follow them word for word if they do work for you! Be kind to yourself, be kind to other Moms (they're just trying to figure this all out too), and be kind to your kids by being the best parent you can be.Kaceehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13383123107492023612noreply@blogger.com0